I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
