Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
