Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
