he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
