We're facebook friends in real life
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
