What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
His hands were made for my vagina.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
