I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
