How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
