Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
