I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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