I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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