I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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