okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
