I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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