so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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