We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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