I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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