dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
