vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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