i permit you to call me
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
