Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
