dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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