i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
