I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
