Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
