I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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