If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
