Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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