I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
