dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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