remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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