I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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