what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
