Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
