I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
