Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
