You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
