just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
