I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
