I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
