I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
