My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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