Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
