Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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