i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This house was built for laser tag.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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