we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's official drugs can't kill me
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
