I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
