Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Acid is not a monday night drug
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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