so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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