apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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