I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
