So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's shark week go big or go home
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
