i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
