I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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